I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
