youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
