We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize