Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
