I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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