why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
