Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
