last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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