OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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