Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
