you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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