Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
