Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
