Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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