For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize