R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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