fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
