Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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