They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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