My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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