come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
