A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
