hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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