forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize