I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
