i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
