At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
