upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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