You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
