And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
