I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
