i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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