I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize