I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
