I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
