i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think my moral compass just broke
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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