dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
