the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
