I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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