Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
