I like to think it a success when the cops are called
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
