so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
