So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
