how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sext me about skeletons
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
