someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize