sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
