Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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