If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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