around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
