Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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