He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
