i just wanna soil my oats bro
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
