oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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