Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The feeling are messing with the penis
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
