yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize