I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
