pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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