I think i peed on brittanys purse
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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