You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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