how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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