im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
