Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
