Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
