I skipped work to stalk him.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
