I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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