I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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