sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
