I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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