In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
