Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
