guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
