If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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