how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
