I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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