Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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