six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We got so high we made milksteak
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
