why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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