Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
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