Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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