Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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