I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize