I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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